Chance Read online

  I pull in a heavy breath as I hear the announcement of my flight. My heart may not want to leave New York, even if it's just for a few days, but my mind needs to. With any luck, I'll find the serenity I need to come back here, stronger, more focused and less Caleb Foster obsessed.

  ***

  "You'll stay for lunch, dear." His brows pop up in excited anticipation. "We're having fish today. You like fish, don't you?"

  It's not my first choice but I'm not one to be picky when the invitation is coming from one of the sweetest people I've ever met.

  When Clive told me I needed to fly out to Martha's Vineyard to secure the transfer of the rights to a software program, I had visions of meeting an arrogant developer who would fight me tooth and nail on every detail. Instead, I was greeted at the door of a quaint cottage by a man in his eighties who has an office filled with computers, a garden overflowing with roses and a smile that could melt the heart of even the darkest soul.

  Ernie Jacobs has a brilliant mind and a lonely heart. I sensed it the moment he led me into this sitting room. The furniture consists of a perfect blend of modern pieces and antiques and the walls are dotted with photographs of a beautiful woman. They create a timeline of a rich life. I studied the image of the blonde haired beauty standing next to a young Ernie as they pledged their vows on their wedding day. The holiday family portrait of the two of them surrounded by their children and grandchildren captures the spirit of joy that is present in all their faces and the image of an elderly woman in the garden staring at the man behind the camera with a look of tender adoration in her eyes, speaks of a love that knows no boundaries of time or circumstance.

  "She passed just last year." His voice cracks. "It's hard not to stare, isn't it? She was the most beautiful thing in the world."

  I don't know much about enduring love. My parent's marriage fell apart beneath the burden of my father's affair. My mother couldn't shoulder the pain and she'd thrown him out into the street, literally. He'd come home from work one day to find everything he owned, scattered in a thoughtless mess on the sidewalk in front of our townhouse. It had been the beginning of the end of our ideal family. It all came to a crashing halt in the corridor of a courtroom in Queens with vile words being thrown around. I'd managed to maintain a relationship with each of my parents but with my mother in Florida and my father in Connecticut, it meant once-a-year visits and empty conversations on the phone.

  "She was very lovely," I concur. "I'd really like to stay for lunch."

  "That's fantastic." He claps his hands together. "It will give me time to show you the other programs I've developed."

  "There's more?" I ask with a wide grin on my face. This man knows more about computer software than almost anyone I've ever met which says a lot considering the fact that I work for the most influential tech company on the east coast.

  "I've put together some apps." He winks at me. "Some of them are for young folks like you."

  "You know what an app is?" I try not to giggle as I ask.

  He taps the bottom of his cane against the arm of the chair I'm sitting in. "Mark my words, you're going to want the rights to every single app I have."

  Chapter 31

  "Carly will drive you down to the ferry, dear." He limps across the floor towards my suitcase and purse. "Are you meeting your fellow in the Hamptons?"

  It's a question that I should have seen coming. Ernie may have a pulse on what's hot in the tech world but when it comes to romance the man is old school through and through. The stories he told over our three course lunch about the endearing things he did for his late wife are proof of that. He's a keeper and if I was an octogenarian, I'd be making a fast move on this man.

  "I don't have a fellow at the moment," I say with a small smile. It's been longer than a moment if I'm being honest.

  He pushes the wire rimmed glasses he's wearing to the tip of his nose so he can peer over them. "You don't have a fellow? How is that possible?"

  Flattery is the only thing I need right now after Caleb turned me down on the spot last night. I should ask Ernie if can stay the weekend in his guest room. The man is full of compliments, which means my self-esteem meter would be off the charts by Sunday evening. "Men in New York are fickle. I'm still looking for the right one."

  "The right one will almost always be a friend first. If you have a fellow who is a friend and you have a sweet spot for him, he might be the one."

  Or he might be a raving lunatic who thinks it's entertaining to talk dirty to me before he rejects me. "I don't have any friends who would be the right one."

  "Don't be too quick to rule out a friend." He gently grabs my elbow as he leads us out of the dining room. "You never know when love is waiting around the corner."

  I used to think that. Now I know better. When it comes to Caleb the only thing waiting for me is a fractured friendship and the embarrassment of knowing I poured out all of my deepest desires to him and he shut me down.

  ***

  "You want to go back to Martha's Vineyard?" Clive's voice breaks up slightly as he asks the question.

  I turn up the volume on my phone, hoping that it will drown out all of the traffic noise. Clive had thoughtfully arranged to have me picked up at the ferry dock by a private driver. He'd made certain that the car was a convertible, which would have been spectacular given the gorgeous weather and scenic views. The problem is that I can barely hear anything he's saying to me so I can only assume the same is true on his end. "Ernie has developed a lot of great stuff. He's willing to sell the rights to us if we want them. I think we have to jump on it."

  "What?" He yells into the receiver. "I can't hear you, Rowan."

  I laugh out loud, letting the warm air race over my face as I throw my head back. I haven't been out of New York City in months and today, I'm realizing just how much I needed the break. I hold the phone close to my lips as I scream into it. "I'll call you back as soon as I'm at the house."

  I end the call before I toss the phone back into my purse. I tap the driver on the shoulder. "Is there a store near the house? I want to pick up a few supplies for the weekend."

  He nods without taking his eyes off the road.

  I lean back into the seat and close my eyes. This weekend is my chance to decompress and unwind. I'm going to push work aside, focus on the new books I downloaded to my e-reader and let every thought I have of Caleb Foster and his brothers disappear from my mind.

  ***

  I climb into the backseat of the car again noting that the horizon looks serene now that dusk is starting to fall. I'd taken a few minutes to go into a local store to buy the essentials. I purchased coffee, fresh pressed juice, some fruit, wine, cheese and bread. It's everything that I've been craving and everything that my body needs. I have no intention of leaving the house once the driver takes me there.

  "The reception is great here." The driver's voice startles me. "I heard you having trouble with a call earlier. You can make it now. I can go grab a coffee."

  I glance down at my phone and realize that Clive may be leaving the office soon. Our conversation would go a lot smoother if he had access to his computer. I can send him the notes on the apps that Ernie emailed to me.

  "That would actually be great," I say with a flourish of my hand. "I'll need thirty minutes or so. Does that work for you or do you need to be somewhere?"

  "I'm at your disposal all weekend, Ms. Bell." He tosses me a thin smile. "Mr. Parker said I should be available in case you need me."

  "Once you drop me at the house, I don't need you until Sunday at four." I scroll my index finger over my phone's screen. "I'll call Clive and then we'll head out, okay?"

  He hands me a plain white card with a ten digit phone number on it. "Call me when you're ready to go, and I'll be back."

  I nod as I press the screen to dial Clive's office. This is my last official duty before I cut myself off from civilization for the weekend.

  Chapter 32

  I watch Seth, the driver Clive hir
ed, as he pulls the car out of the driveway. He'd insisted on helping me bring my suitcase and bags to the door. He wanted to go inside the house with me to check to make certain everything was in working order, but I'd patiently declined. I haven't been to the Foster's house in almost a decade. It looks exactly as I remember it. The green shutters are still a fitting and elegant contrast to the white siding that covers the outside of the house. The trees in the front yard are larger and the stone walkway that leads to the front door is now chipped and overgrown with grass. The essence of the place is exactly as it was when we filled the rooms with laughter during the summer. We'd race down to the beach and while the boys swam in the water, I'd collect rocks and shells on the sand.

  I fish for the keys Gabriel gave to me in my purse. I sigh as I feel my fingers grab hold of them. I examine them under the light that is streaming from the lantern hung above the porch. I twist the key in the lock and shiver as I feel it give way. I swing open the door with one hand while I grab the handle of my suitcase with the other.

  I run my hand along the wall near the door hopeful that I'll connect with a light switch. I do. The room fills with muted light and I soak in the surroundings.

  The main room is elegant and although some of the furniture is covered with white sheets, I feel at home immediately. I'd sat on the green and blue checkered sofa when I played chess with Gabriel and I'd learned how to play a simple tune on the piano in the corner when Asher had a spare moment one rainy afternoon. This place speaks of my childhood and my connection to the Foster family and I realize that in my haste to get away from Caleb I've taken myself back to the heart of our connection.

  I walk across the room to stare out into the blackness that envelops the back yard. The beach is just beyond it but I can't see it now. All I can see in my mind's eye is the last day I was in the house when I was fifteen. Miles had gone for a ride with Gabriel and Asher was embroiled in a heated tennis tournament that took him away from all of us for most of the week we were there.

  I'd stood in this very spot, overlooking the yard while watching Caleb. He had just come back from the beach. His hair was a wet mess and it clung to the side of his handsome face. He was as tall then as he is now and back when I was a teenager he was imposing, dark and mysterious.

  I remember every vivid detail of the day and just as I was about to walk away from the windows, he pulled a towel from a pile that his mother kept near the door for the boys to wipe their feet before they came into the house.

  His eyes had darted around the yard but they never settled on the house and with baited breath I stood frozen watching as he turned to the side and slowly pushed his damp swim trunks from his body. It was the first time I'd seen a man naked. I knew that I should look away but I was mesmerized by the sculpted tone of his stomach and the gentle curve of his ass.

  I caught a brief glimpse of his cock when he turned towards the house, before he wrapped the towel around him. By the time he walked through the patio doors and into the room, I was nestled on the couch, a book open on my lap.

  He grunted something to me as he walked by and I looked up, staring at the strong muscles of his back and calves as he walked down the hallway towards his room. I never told him about what I saw. I never told anyone. It was my secret and as I've carried it with me through every relationship I've ever had.

  I close my eyes as I lean my head against the cool glass and try to gaze out into the yard. I'll see the spot where he was standing tomorrow morning once the sun rises. For tonight, I'll lay in silence in the same bed I laid in that night after I saw his beautiful body and I'll dream the same dreams about my desire for him. The difference is now that I've felt the kind of pleasure he can give to a woman and that is a bittersweet torture in itself.

  I feel my emotions rising to the surface. I knew that I'd feel something coming back here but I never imagined that the teenage crush I had on Caleb could feel so real so many years later. I need to forget about him. I need to say goodbye to what I've wanted with him and this feels like the perfect place to do that. I'm alone. I'm strong and I'm ready to move forward without my Caleb Foster fantasies in tow.

  I gaze out into the darkness one last time and that's when I feel it.

  I don't scream.

  I don't panic.

  I just reach up to grab the hand that's now resting on my shoulder.

  I didn't hear him come in. He may have been here all along but I know it's him.

  I turn slowly, look up and whisper his name.

  Chapter 33

  "I knew it would be you who found me." Asher traces the pad of his thumb over my eyebrow. "I kept telling myself that you'd remember how much I loved this place."

  I nod slowly. I haven't been able to say anything other than his name since I turned around. He's sporting a full beard, his hair is longer than it was the last time I saw him and he's happy. He's happier than I've seen him in years.

  "I'm sorry I haven't returned any of your text messages or calls." He reaches to hold my hand in his. "I had to get away. I was scared, Bell. I was worried that I'd start using again if I stayed."

  "Asher," I repeat his name. "I've been so worried. Everyone is worried."

  "I know." He rakes his hand through his hair, pushing it back from his face. "I thought I'd come up for a day or two but then it was a week, and then longer and I didn't know how to come back."

  "The police are looking for you." I motion towards the checkered sofa. "I need to sit down."

  He scoops his hand around my waist, leading me towards the furniture. "They were here. They came to the door but I didn't answer. They just left. That was days ago."

  I can't say that I'm shocked that there was no follow up. Asher is a grown man. The police must receive dozens of missing person's reports a day. I'm certain that the majority of the resources are focused on children who are either abducted by a parent or stranger.

  "You said you were going to visit your mom." I sit as I try to level my breathing. "You never went there."

  "I wanted to be alone." He leans back and skims his hand over the leg of his jeans. "I needed time to process some stuff. My mom wouldn't have helped with that."

  It's a weak excuse. There's no way he wasn't aware of the turmoil and pain that he was causing everyone who cared about him, me included. "You just disappeared. I don't understand how you could do that."

  I see the pain in his face as soon as the words leave my mouth. I've been mindful of what I say to him since he came back from rehab. I haven't wanted to push him and now I'm realizing that it's given him a cushion that's allowed him to be selfish.

  "I'm sorry." His voice cracks slightly. "I was planning on calling Gabriel this weekend."

  I want to believe him but given the fact that I accidentally stumbled on his hiding place, I can't do it. "Why didn't you call him last week or the week before that? You know how much he worries about you."

  "I couldn't do it." He leans back into the soft cushions of the sofa. "I have to explain why I took off. Gabriel is going to want to know."

  Newsflash, Asher. Everyone wants to know.

  "Why did you leave?" I ask hoping that he'll give me an explanation.

  He shakes his head lightly from side-to-side. "I don't do this grown up thing very well. I suck at being a responsible adult."

  I feel a small smile tug at the corner of my lips. "I'm not going to argue with you about that."

  "I'll call him now." He stretches his legs out to reach inside the front pocket of his jeans to retrieve his phone. "I need to charge it. It ran out of juice a few days ago. I stopped charging it because…"

  He stopped charging it because when you're trying to escape from the realities of life, a phone isn't your ally.

  "You can use my phone to call him." I reach towards the coffee table to grab my purse. I pull my smartphone out quickly. It doesn't take me more than a few seconds to bring up Gabriel's contact information. "Call him now. Tell him you're okay."

  He scoops my phone into
his palm, presses the phone icon and brings it to his ear.

  ***

  "You're sure you don't want to come back to Manhattan with me?" Asher pushes a sweatshirt into a large duffel bag. "It would help if you'd come see Gabriel with me."

  The only person I would be helping is Asher. I planned on coming to the house for some rest and relaxation. I may have solved the great mystery of where Asher has been hiding but that's where my part in this twisted Foster saga ends. Responsibility is a bitter pill to swallow for some people and I'd definitely put Asher into that category. "I'm staying here. You need to handle it by yourself."

  He tilts his chin up in a slight act of defiance. "Did you come looking for me, Bell? Did you know I'd be here?"

  I could tell a small white lie that would give him some reassurance about the unspoken strength of our friendship, but false hope isn't what he needs right now. "No, Asher. I was taking care of some business on Martha's Vineyard yesterday and Gabriel suggested I come here to get away from things."

  There's no masking the disappointment in his expression. "You didn't seem surprised to see me last night. It felt like you knew I'd be here waiting for you."

  I look down at the hardwood floor. There's a stain on one of the boards. I remember exactly how it got there. Asher and I had found a stray puppy down by the beach and in our infinite, and grade school, wisdom we had smuggled it into his room. It hadn't gone through the rigors of being housebroken so it had relieved itself wherever it saw fit. The stain I'm looking at now is a reminder of that time when we were young, innocent and unaware of real consequences.