Hush (Just This Once) Read online

  “I know you already have a child, Evan,” I say evenly. “I think it’s great. Our baby will have a sibling from the start and I couldn’t be happier about that.”

  Chapter 35

  Evan

  Rita Bergstein has no idea what the fuck she’s talking about.

  “I don’t have a child, Chloe.” I point at her. “This baby will be my first child.”

  “Are you sure?”

  I laugh because I’d know if there was a child of mine out there. At least, I hope I’d know. I keep my dick wrapped up during sex for a reason.

  “I don’t have any children,” I continue, because I want her to understand that Rita wasn’t pulling random facts about me out of the air. “About five years ago a woman I spent a night with told me she was pregnant.”

  She starts to say something but her mouth slams shut before one word escapes.

  I get it. She’s thinking about herself. We spent more than one together but she ended up knocked up because the condom failed during our first night together.

  “Her name was Kim.” I hate that fucking name because the woman who owned it put me through hell. “We fucked one time and a month later she tracked me down at the club we met at to tell me that I was going to be a dad.”

  Silence is all that greets me, so I go on, because I want Chloe to understand that she’s nothing like Kim and our situation won’t end the way that did.

  “I believed her.” I rake both hands through my hair. “I didn’t question it because she gave me a song and dance about not having time for sex, so I was the only lover she’d had that year.”

  Chloe’s brows rise. “You said you met in a club?”

  “I know.” I sigh. “How many celibate people hang out in clubs? I get that I was an idiot for believing her. I was at a low point in my life at that time and needed something. I wanted something to give me hope and that baby was it.”

  “I understand.” She pauses, “I think I understand.”

  Vague understanding is enough for me at this point. I go on, “I went to every doctor’s appointment with her. She saw Rita before she switched to another OBGYN. We moved in together and the day the baby was born was the happiest of my life.”

  “What happened after that?”

  My chest tightens. “I had doubts right away that he was mine and when I ran into her ex-boyfriend leaving the hospital room the day after she delivered, I knew. The cocky grin on his face told me everything.”

  “I’m sorry, Evan.”

  “Don’t be.” I brush her words away with a wave of my hand in the air. “I told her I wanted a paternity test, she cried. I persisted and it proved that her baby wasn’t mine.”

  She blinks at me. “That must have been hard.”

  “It was fucked up,” I manage a small laugh. “It made me realize that I wanted a baby at some point but it also made me run out and buy seven boxes of condoms that night.”

  “It’s good to be prepared.” She raises both hands. “I should have been. If I knew there was any chance that I could get pregnant, I would have been on the pill or whatever else women use to stop that from happening.”

  “It was fate, Chloe.” I reach across the table to take her hands in mine. “That or I have super sperm.”

  She throws her head back and laughs. “I think it was a combination of both. Whatever it was, you and I are having a baby.”

  ***

  “It’s okay to do this while I’m pregnant?” She looks over her shoulder at where I’m standing behind her. “It’s not going to hurt the baby will it?”

  I love that she’s so concerned about our child. “It’s very safe, Chloe. I’m a doctor so you know that you can trust me.”

  She dips her head back down to the blanket. “I bet you’ve used that same line on thousands of women.”

  I slide my cock into her wet and warm pussy. I ate her out when we got to my apartment. I extended the invitation after we had dinner. I needed her here. I’ve been craving her like mad and I could tell that she wanted the same thing when she rested her hand on my thigh in the cab.

  I wrapped my dick but I was tempted to ask if I could go bare. I’m clean. I know she has to be. “Your pussy is so tight. Fuck, it’s like a glove.”

  She rocks her hips back and forth, gliding her wetness over me. I stand still so she can control it all.

  Her breathing increases when she arches her back and takes me deeper. “I love this. God, I love this.”

  “I love it too,” I rush the words out as I dig my fingers into the soft flesh of her hips. “Use me, Chloe. Make yourself come on my cock.”

  She does. She speeds up the tempo, and then slows and when my finger finds her clit, she flies over the edge and the feeling, that fucking feeling, of her coming around my dick is enough to make me shoot my load.

  Chapter 36

  Evan

  “My mom died two years ago.” Her warm breath traces a path over my neck.

  I don’t move because it’s a confession that came out of nowhere. After a quick recharge of juice and a shared apple, we fucked a second time. After that, both spent we fell asleep in each other’s arms.

  It’s too late for her to go. I don’t want her to. That’s why I’ve wrapped myself around her. I need her here, with me, while I sort through the fucked up shit that my heart is starting to feel.

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper with my lips against her forehead. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  She nods. “It was sudden. She was on her way to my apartment when she collapsed.”

  Guilt. She may have moved past it by now, but the fact that she added the detail about where her mom was headed when she died, tells me more than the words do.

  She waits for a beat before she speaks again. “She was always there for me. Always and when she needed me, I wasn’t there to help her.”

  I should offer words of comfort about how no one can predict what will happen on any given day, but in my line of work, I know that little helps when someone is lost forever. “I can’t imagine the pain you and your brothers were in.”

  “My dad too.” She runs the tip of her finger over my chest. “He loved my mom with everything he had. I tried to be strong for him, but I fell apart.”

  I pull her closer, wanting to negate any distance between us so she feels every part of me. I need her to know that I want to swallow her pain. I long to steal it from her. I want to protect her from any more of life’s bullshit.

  “I wish she was here to meet the baby.” She nuzzles closer. “My mom would have been an incredible grandma. I just hope that I can be half as good of a mom as she was.”

  “I think you’ll make a great mom,” I say softly. “You’ll be an amazing mom.”

  She murmurs something I can’t make out before her breathing evens. I hold her while she sleeps and when I start to drift I pray that this pregnancy goes smoothly so she doesn’t have to face another heartache.

  ***

  I sit on the edge of the bed and watch Chloe sleep. She’s content and comfortable and that’s all I want her to feel forever.

  We all have challenges and stories to tell. Chloe’s are tragic but they haven’t dampened her at all. She’s bright and beautiful. There’s a light in her eyes that tells you that she sees promise right around the next corner.

  Despite everything she’s been through, she’s not jaded.

  I wish I could say the same for myself.

  I’ve wandered through life with a chip on my shoulder. I’ve spent too much time pissed off at the world for what it’s taken.

  I glance at the clock on the table next to the bed. It’s past midnight here.

  My phone hasn’t made a sound since I met up with Chloe and I’m grateful for that.

  I’ll check in at the hospital before I crawl back into bed, but first, I need to make a call to California.

  My sister, Carmen, didn’t make it through her battle with leukemia the way Chloe did. She suffered a stroke and her life is a shadow of
what it used to be.

  She doesn’t let it stop her though. She’s a teacher, a wife and one day soon she’ll be an aunt.

  I scoop up my suit jacket and tug out my phone so I can call her and tell her the good news. It may be premature but it’ll give her some hope in a world that’s still filled with too much disappointment and pain.

  I dial her number as I stand and walk out of my bedroom.

  She answers instantly. ”Evan?”

  “I’m having a baby, Carmen,” I whisper so I don’t wake Chloe. “I’m having a baby with the most incredible woman I’ve ever met.”

  Chapter 37

  Chloe

  I should have probably told Evan last night that I overheard him talking to someone about me. He thought I was asleep but I woke when I felt him shift on the bed to reach for his phone.

  He told the person he was speaking to that he’s having a baby with the most incredible woman he’s ever known. I rolled over and shut my eyes again, overcome with raw emotion.

  After he crawled back into bed, we snuggled together under the covers before I fell back asleep. I didn’t wake until this morning when I felt his lips touching mine.

  Our goodbye wasn’t awkward at all and when I got back to my apartment to shower and get ready for my day, I ran my hand over my stomach.

  I’m still scared and unsure of what’s going to happen when the baby arrives, but the feeling of pure terror has been replaced with mild fear.

  “Why are you staring at that crib?” Gabi steps in place next to me.

  I’ve spent the past twenty minutes waiting for her on 5 th Avenue. We went out for lunch today and on our way back to the office, she decided that she needed a new tube of mascara.

  Since I don’t have another client meeting until three, I told her I’d tag along. I could only stomach a few minutes inside the Matiz Cosmetics store before I had to make a quick exit back to the street.

  The Matiz fragrance line is lovely but it didn’t agree with me today. Then scents were so strong that I felt faint. I thought I’d wait outside the store until I spotted the quaint boutique next door. The window display is of a nursery complete with a beautiful white crib.

  It’s simple, elegant and filled with an array of stuffed animals.

  This is my future. It’s what I’ve always wanted; yet every time I think about the day the baby will arrive, I feel a rush of anxiety.

  When I was struggling to conceive during my marriage it was with the comfort of knowing that I had a stable life. I had a loving partner by my side. We lived in an apartment with enough room for four children and money wasn’t an object.

  My life couldn’t be more different now.

  I’m still dealing with the fallout from my messy divorce, I’m having a baby with a man I just met and I live in an apartment that won’t leave much extra room after I equip it for a newborn.

  I shake off thoughts of what my future looks like and focus on Gabi.

  “It looks like you picked up a lot more than one mascara.” I point at the Matiz shopping bag in her hand. “That should last you a year.”

  “They had a few essentials on sale.” She beams. “I cannot pass up a bargain on my beauty products. I’m all stocked up so I won’t have to come back for at least a few weeks.”

  I don’t want the subject of why I was gazing longingly at a crib to come up again, so I morph into boss mode. “You’ve stretched your one hour lunch break to two-and-a-half. I need to get you back to the office so you can earn some money to pay for all of that.”

  “I’m counting on the raise you’re going to give me next month.” She steps toward the curb to wave down an approaching taxi.

  I stand in stunned silence. We went through the same thing last winter. Gabi asked for a raise, I told her to wait until summer and then she pestered me continuously until I caved and gave her the salary bump she deserved.

  “I’m not going to win this wage war, am I?” I move to where a taxi has now stopped for us. “Be gentle with your demands, Gabi. I may need a little extra money for myself this year.”

  “I’ll be kind.” She lets me slide into the backseat of the taxi first before she gets in and slams the door behind us. “I’ll be sure to leave you at least a little for yourself.”

  ***

  “I got us this ginger tea for our celebratory toast.” Evan fumbles with the tea bag in his hand. “Champagne would have been my first choice, but I didn’t want to torture you by drinking it in front of you.”

  “I can handle this.” As I reach forward to take the tea bag, our hands brush against each other. “I’m an expert with these things, Dr.”

  He inches closer to me as I pour hot water from the kettle into both of the ceramic mugs on his counter.

  “You smell amazing, Chloe.” He runs the tip of his nose over the sensitive skin of my neck. “I hope our baby smells as good as you.”

  I shiver as I turn to look into his eyes.

  Today was the day. We both received an envelope delivered via courier with the paternity test results.

  Evan called me when his arrived and asked if I’d had a chance to open mine. I hadn’t because I already knew what the results would be. I tucked it into my purse and told him that I’d drop by his place after we were both done work.

  I was on my way home by six, but Evan couldn’t get away from the hospital until ten so now we’re at his place, enjoying a warm cup of ginger tea.

  “Where’s your envelope?” he asks me as I hand him a cup.

  I nod toward a chair next to the kitchen table. I had dropped my coat and my purse there after he let me in. “It’s in my purse. I put it in there after it was delivered today.”

  He reaches into the back pocket of his jeans to pull out a folded envelope. “This is mine.”

  I look down at it expecting that it would be torn open but it’s not. It’s sealed shut, just like the one in my purse. “You didn’t open it?”

  “No.” He places it down on the counter. “I know what the results are going to be. I’m the baby’s dad. I feel it, Chloe.”

  That brings tears to the corners of my eyes. I wipe them away with a swipe of my hand. “My emotions are all over the place lately. One minute I’m sad, the next I’m mad. I feel sorry for my assistant.”

  He places both his hands on my hips. “Emotions are good. You need to get them all out. I do. My colleagues would tell you that I’m a bastard one day and a prince the next.”

  “It’s hard to imagine you acting like a bastard.” I reach up to cup my hands around the back of his neck. “I’ve only ever seen the charming side of you.”

  He lowers his lips to mine. “You bring out the best in me.”

  Chapter 38

  Evan

  “We don’t have to fuck every time we see each other, Chloe.” I’m even stunned when I hear those words leave my lips.

  Chloe looks just as shocked as I feel. “I was taking off my sweater because it’s warm in here, Evan. I have a T-shirt on underneath. Did you think I was just going to strip here in the kitchen so you could bend me over the table and have your way with me?”

  I slide my hand over the front of my jeans. “Now you’ve gone and made my cock hard.”

  Her gaze travels down my body. “I’ll take care of that later. You said that you know what the results of the paternity test are, but are you going to open it?”

  I look over at the envelope. When it was delivered to the hospital earlier I was in surgery. Vanessa was the one who handed it to me afterwards.

  She didn’t ask me what it was about and I didn’t offer. I trust her, but I’m not going to share the news about the baby with anyone at work at this point.

  I have every intention of introducing Chloe to Jordan and Kylie very soon. I want her to meet Jack too.

  Although we haven’t had a discussion about where our relationship is headed other than to a delivery room, I want the people in my inner circle to know the woman I’m falling for. It just so happens that she’s also
the mother of my child.

  Sometimes fate smiles down on you twice.

  “I don’t need to open it.” I push it aside. “I trust you, Chloe. If I can’t trust you what future do we have together?”

  The teacup in her hand wobbles. “Our future? You mean like when the baby comes and we see each other when you’re passing her off to me and I’m bringing her over here for your days?”

  There’s way too fucking much to absorb in that response. I hone in on the part about the baby’s gender “You think it’s a girl?”

  I’ve had dreams of being a dad to a little girl. It’s not that I’ve ever longed to be a father other than that stint I served as Kim’s pseudo-baby daddy. Sometimes when I’m dead tired from working myself into a coma, I’ll dream about holding a small girl and I instinctively know that it’s my daughter.

  “I want a healthy baby.” She rubs her hands over her stomach. “I’ll be happy either way.”

  “But you said her , Chloe,” I point out as I cover her hands with my own. “Do you think we’re having a little girl?”

  She gazes down at where our fingers are linked together. “I feel that, but maybe that’s wishful thinking? I’d love to have a son too. I’d teach him all about hockey.”

  “If it’s a girl, you’ll teach her all about hockey too,” I say softly as I rest my cheek against her head. “This baby is going to be just like you. It’s going to be fearless and strong. It’ll storm over every challenge in its way.”

  She leans into me. “I know we haven’t talked about it and it is way in the future, but I want you to be there when the baby is born, Evan. I want you next to me watching our child come into the world.”

  I swallow back a rush of emotions. I want that too. I want to be there for the delivery and every moment after but those are discussions for another time. I can’t ask this woman to give me a future. She just vaguely mentioned what it will be like when we have a custody agreement in place and we meet to hand off our child to each other.