Still Obsessed Read online

  I look down and rub my thumb over his. "This can't come between us." I want to say more. I want to tell him that he doesn't have to buy the shares. I want to tell him that I trust him enough to just give it all to him.

  "I don't want it to." He doesn't want it to. That's different than he won't let it. I know Jax and business and I know he won't let much get in the way once he's focused on an end goal.

  "You're dressed up today. Are you going to a funeral?" The words leave my mouth before my mind has a chance to catch them. It's a reminder of Mark and the fact that Jax wouldn’t go to the funeral with me. I didn't want to drag any memory of Mark into our conversation and I have. I'd done it within the first twenty seconds of us talking.

  "A business meeting." He doesn't even flinch at my reference to a funeral. He's going to let it slide past him and I'm grateful that he does.

  No details are offered and I don't press. I don't want to. I don't want anything to set him off today. I know he's been on edge since we first spoke about my inheriting all of Mark's estate. I just want this moment in time to be peaceful, drama free and quiet.

  "I saw Brighton." I stand. I want to feel his arms around me. I need to. "We had coffee a little while ago."

  "He told me." His hands encircle my waist and he pulls me between his legs. "He said you two talked about Liz."

  I nod as I stare into the depths of his eyes. Something has shifted since last night. He's less tense. He seems happier. "He wants me to go with him to see her."

  "Will you?" I feel his finger touch my chin lightly.

  "For him." I tilt my head trying to grab more of his touch. I'm so hungry for it. I feel as though we haven't connected enough the last few days. I miss it. I miss him.

  His brows rise. "You're good to him. I'm trying to be better to him too."

  My mouth curves. "You're a good brother." I mean the words. Jax has tried desperately to strengthen his connection to Brighton the past few months. Doing that electronically hasn't been easy, but he's been putting in the effort.

  "I can't stand when there's tension between us, beautiful." His words whisper over my lips as his mouth claims mine.

  "I don't want that either." I pull back from the kiss. "It kills me inside when we're not on the same page, Jax."

  "Me too." He breaks my gaze to look down. "It's hard, Ivy."

  He doesn't have to say more. I know he's talking about Mark and about my seemingly never-ending connection to him.

  "I won't let this come between us." I close my eyes as I say the words. I can't let this come between us. I need him too much to let that happen.

  "We won't," he corrects me before he glides his lips over mine again.

  I can only melt into arms, letting him pull me away from everything and into the heat of his kiss.

  Chapter 13

  "Your body is so beautiful." His breath grazes over my moist folds. He's helped me climax with his tongue and lips and I'm already feeling so spent. "I need to make you come again."

  "No," I pull the word from somewhere deep within me. He was waiting for me at the door when I got home from work. Naked and waiting. He'd licked me until I came right there on the spot after he pulled my jeans and panties off. Now, he's done it again, not twenty minutes later in our bed.

  "No?" He traces a pointed path with his tongue over my swollen clit. "You want me to make you come again."

  "I can't." I try to sound as though I mean the words, but I don't. I can't ever get enough of Jax pleasing me. He knows my body better than I do. He knows how to bring me to the edge of an intense orgasm with just a few strokes of his skilled tongue. He also knows how to push me past my limits so I feel more pleasure than I ever imagined was possible.

  He ignores my protests and pulls my ass off the bed so he can devour me. I almost scream at the sensation of his lips coursing hot over my clit. I pull on his hair, wanting him to take more. I'm already so close again. I don't know how I can come so easily under his touch. "Jax." His name is drawn across my lips like a breathless whisper.

  He moans as he sucks on my clit and I pull harder on his hair.

  "God, please," I'm almost whimpering from the sensations. It's so much. I can't take it. I feel as though I'm going to plunge off the edge of a cliff into pleasure so deep that I won't be able to breathe. "Please."

  He pushes two fingers inside me in one swift movement and I come instantly. I claw at his shoulder, wanting him to stop. Needing him to give me time to feel and breathe.

  "I have to fuck you." The words are so direct. It's not a request. It's a command.

  I lay still, unable to pull any strength from my limbs. He flips me over quickly, pushing my shoulders down so my back arches. I feel his lips skirt the edge of my ass cheek before his hand glides over my wetness.

  "Fuck. You're so ready." He plunges balls deep into me and I scream from the pain. It's so much. He's so wide and long. I'll never adjust to his size. I'll always feel the tender bite of pleasure mixed with the raw pain of being stretched past my limits.

  "Jax." I barely spit out the word before I feel another orgasm rolling through me. It's never been like this. I've never felt so many sensations so intensely before.

  He quickens his thrusts and pushes on my back, pulling my ass even higher. "This is too good, beautiful,” he groans loudly. "I'm going to fuck you forever."

  I push back at the sound of the words. I want that. I want to be his forever.

  "Ivy," he growls my name through a deep moan and I arch my back more. I want him to take this pleasure from me. I want him to feel it too just like I did. I need that for him. I crave it more than anything.

  "Touch your clit." He rubs his hand across my mound. "Touch it."

  I pull my hand back to circle my fingers over my swollen clitoris. His hand joins mine and he applies even more pressure. He wants me to come again. He wants me to take more from him.

  "Oh, god, yes." My voice is a breathless whisper. I feel as though I'm lost in the pleasure. It's all so much. "I have to come."

  "Not yet." He pounds me harder. "Together. Ivy, together."

  I nod into the pillow. I push back, matching his rhythm. Our hands are interwoven teasing my clit.

  "You're mine." He pulls his hand back and pulls on my thigh. "You'll always be mine."

  His words push me to the brink. I can't stop my body's reaction. "Now," I blurt the word out with a loud moan.

  "Now," he screams as he races to the edge and fills me with his desire just as I fall into a heap onto the bed.

  Chapter 14

  "Ivy." I feel his muscular arms encircle me from behind as he steps into the shower. "Beautiful."

  I pull him into me, wanting the closeness to last beyond tonight. I need our connection to be this strong outside the walls of our apartment. "I still can't breathe."

  "I'm scared." The words feel foreign and misplaced coming from him.

  I turn quickly and reach for his face. It's damp from the water. I push the moisture away and cup his cheek in my hand. "Scared? Of what?"

  He doesn't respond. He pulls me into his chest and I wrap my arms tightly around his waist. Even in a semi- hard state I can feel his cock pressing against me. I still want him. If he wanted to claim me again right here and right now, I'd drop to my knees and please him. I'd take him between my lips and pull another orgasm from within him just as he did with me.

  "Jax, please," I plead with him.

  His body moves slightly and I realize he's sobbing. I try to look up but he's too strong. He's pressing my body into his, molding our two frames together under the heat from the shower.

  "Jax." My eyes are filled with tears now too. What's happening? What is he going to tell me? Is that why he took me so ferociously in the bed? Because he's going to do something that will make me not want him anymore? It's not possible. I have to tell him. "Tell me," I whisper into his chest. "What's scaring you?"

  "I want us to go away." He moves back slightly so I can tilt my head up to look at him. "I n
eed that."

  I nod even though I know I can't leave right now. I have to go through Mark's apartment tomorrow to ready it for sale and I have to finish up the work that I'm desperately falling behind on. None of that matters right now. All that matters is Jax and I.

  "You know I've never loved anyone but you." The words cut through me like a razor sharp knife. He wouldn't be saying that unless he believed I doubted that fact.

  "I know." I try to temper the fear in my voice but it's almost impossible.

  He presses his lips to my temple and I feel a shudder course through him. "I can't survive losing you. I can't."

  "I'm not going anywhere." I pull him closer. "I'm not."

  "You know I can't live if you're not with me, don't you?" It's a question that he doesn't need to ask.

  "I'm not going anywhere." I raise my head and search his face. "What's going on?"

  "Ivy." My name escapes his lips in a sob. "I'm so scared."

  "Jax." I pull on his arms, wanting to merge our bodies together." Please. You're scaring me."

  "Don't die." He pushes his cheek into mine. "Please don't die before me."

  "Don't say those things." I sob into his chest. "Don’t talk like that."

  He doesn't respond. He just pulls me closer, holding my naked body next to his until the shower starts to run cold.

  ***

  "I know this isn't in your job description," I begin before I stop to open a desk drawer. "But I appreciate you coming with me."

  "We're friends, Ivy." Nathan turns from where he's standing next to a tall cabinet. "I'll always help in any way I can."

  I smile at the reminder of our renewed friendship. Having Nate back in my life has helped so much, especially today when I'm stuck with the task of searching through Mark's belongings trying to decide whether anything is worth keeping.

  "I stuck his cell phone and the other stuff from his car there." Nate points to a small, clear plastic bag sitting on the edge of the desk. "I picked it up at the police station yesterday."

  I nod and turn my gaze back to the drawer before a sudden realization washes over me. "Do you think there's a charger for the phone here somewhere?"

  "I saw one in his bedroom." He tips his head back as he heads out the door into the hallway. "Let me grab it."

  I open the bag and carefully retrieve the phone. The screen is scuffed but other than that it's not worse for wear. It's shocking that Mark's smartphone could survive virtually unscathed from such a violent crash that claimed his life and left Liz helpless in a hospital bed.

  "Let me plug it in." Nate reaches for the phone before he kneels to plug it into an outlet near the desk. "Give it a few minutes."

  I nod and look back at the desk. "Mark called me a bunch of times before he died." It's the first time I've said the words since I told Mrs. Adams weeks ago.

  "What did he want?" He doesn't look my way when he throws the question at me.

  I glance at the phone and the green bar indicating it's finally charging back up. "I have no idea. I ignored everything and deleted all of it."

  "It was likely nothing. I wouldn't worry about it."

  "Did the police say anything more about the accident?" I don't know why I've been so curious about what happened on that stretch of road that night. Knowing wasn't going to change the outcome.

  "Speed and his blood alcohol level was almost twice the limit." He turns as he sighs. "Liz was apparently hammered too."

  I wince at the words. "I should have done something," I mutter under my breath.

  "You should have done something?" He turns completely around now. "Like what?"

  "Nothing with Mark," I say it so carelessly. Is it horrible that I haven't cried about Mark's death? Is it horrible that I don't feel any sense of loss knowing he's no longer alive? "When Liz and I were still friends I thought she might have a drinking problem."

  "You're not responsible for her." He walks over to lean against the desk, his leg almost brushing against my arm. "They both chose to drink and get in that car."

  I nod. I know he's right. I know that there was nothing that I could have done to change the outcome of that day.

  "The text messages Mark sent me should be on his phone."

  "I hadn't thought of that." Nate taps me on the shoulder. "You really missed your calling. You should have been a private investigator."

  I laugh before I push myself up to my feet. "I'm going to get everything packed up for charity. Once probate is done we can sell this place."

  Chapter 15

  I have a daughter, Ivy. Holy shit, I'm a dad.

  Ivy, call me. I want to tell you about my daughter.

  She's an angel. We need to talk. I'm sorry.

  I read the messages again and again not caring that the rain pelting Central Park at this moment is soaking my clothing from top to bottom. I can't move from my spot on the bench. I can't bring myself to dart my eyes from the screen of Mark's smartphone. Mark has a daughter. Mark was a father. Mark is gone.

  The loud ring of my own phone jars me and I fumble in my purse trying to find it. I glance at the incoming number. It's Garrett. He's calling to talk to me about Mark's estate. I know he is. I also know that Jax still wants the company back even though he hasn’t brought it up to me directly in days. I know that he's planning his future around it. He has no idea. He has no idea that I can't take anything from Mark anymore. I can't. It all belongs to his little girl.

  I pull Nathan's number up on my screen and push the call button.

  "I need to see you," I say breathlessly into the phone. "Now."

  ***

  "You live here?" I try not to sound as shocked as I am. Who knew Nathan lived in such a gorgeous apartment on Central Park West?

  "I do." He laughs as I walk into the space. "Do you want a towel?"

  "You're hilarious." I throw him a wicked grin. "It's just rain."

  "Remind me to get you an umbrella for your birthday." The words are filled with jest and I smile at how comfortable we are with each other. He's becoming more and more like my big brother every day.

  "So this is where you entertain the ladies?" I search the room for any sign of a female presence and I find nothing. Nathan's apartment screams very loud and clear that a man lives there.

  "One lady." He smiles.

  "She's lucky," I murmur. She must be. Being with him surely can't be as complicated as being in love with Jax. Reading the sent messages on Mark's phone has only complicated things more.

  "I'm lucky," he replies. "You didn’t come over for a tour of my apartment so spit it out. What's up?"

  "I finally looked at Mark's phone." It's been two days since Nathan and I sorted through Mark's things and I'd taken his phone and shoved it into my purse. The past two days with Jax had been nothing short of heaven. Long nights making love, cuddling while we watched television and not a mention of Mark at all had made me feel that we were finally getting back on track.

  "Was there some deep and dark secret there?" He grins widely as he motions at a bar. "Do you want something to drink?"

  "Water." I take a deep breath to steady my emotions. Once I tell Nathan what I saw on the phone everything will change. It will impact my relationship with Jax forever.

  He reaches down to a compact fridge and removes a chilled bottle of water that he pours into a tall glass. I take it from him with a trembling hand, downing half the glass in one large gulp. I hadn't realized how parched I was until this moment.

  "What was on the phone, Ivy?"

  The question lingers there, between us. He's an attorney. He's not a regular friend. He has obligations. He'll do something with the information I give him.

  "I should talk to Jax first," I say the words out loud even though I mean to keep them quiet. I've volleyed the idea back and forth about who to tell first.

  "You can go in the other room to call him." He motions down the hallway. "It's up to you."

  I'm grateful that he's not pushing. That he's not insisting I confess j
ust yet. I need a moment to breathe.

  "Ivy." I look up and he's staring directly at me. His brilliant blue eyes searching are my face. "I'm only saying this because I adore you like a little sister. You look like hell. Whatever this is, it's eating you up inside. Tell me. Tell Jax. Hell, tell the doorman. Just get it out."

  "Mark has a daughter." The words spill out in a jumble of tears. "There's a little girl. He has a daughter."

  Nate reaches to level his balance on the edge of the bar. I see his knuckles turn white. "This changes everything."

  Chapter 16

  "It would help her a lot if you came to visit her more." Brighton's tone is soft and nurturing but the words strike me as anything but.

  I shoot him a look. "It's taken every ounce of strength I have to come here today." It had. I had fallen asleep early waiting for Jax to come home last night. This morning he was gone before I woke, the only indicator that he had been there at all, a small note on his pillow saying he loved me.

  "She's your best friend." The words aren't meant to slice through me the way they do. I know he's just trying to help Liz. He's always had a soft spot in his heart for her.

  "Jax is my best friend." I correct him. "She's someone I used to know."

  "Just think about coming here once in a while," he suggests. "Even if it's just for a few minutes."

  "So I can give her false hope that we still have a friendship?" My tone is harsh. I know it is. I want it to be. "I feel horrible that she was hurt so badly but it changes nothing between us. She betrayed me. Why can't you see that?"

  "Come and say hello." He pushes the door to her private room open and I'm left with little choice other than to waltz through with a smile on my face.

  "Ivy," she says the word and her voice is completely different than I remember it. It's shaky, deeper and the volume so soft.