Hush (Just This Once) Page 8
She nods. “I’ll see you around.”
I don’t respond. She’s damn right that she’ll see me around. I want to erase all the pain I see in her eyes. Something tells me that there are more secrets buried below the surface that she’s aching to share.
***
“I thought you were on top of your game, Evan.” Jack leans back on my sofa so he can rest his feet on my coffee table. “You didn’t have a condom so you borrowed one from a guy who never gets laid?”
I laugh aloud. “He’s gotten laid at least twice that I know of, but I assure you I’m not counting. He had a condom in his hand when I was desperate for one. You would have taken it too.”
“Probably.” He shrugs as he draws a pull from a bottle of beer. “Remind me again why we aren’t at the hockey game?”
“You gave your tickets to me and I gifted them to the couple who live down the hall from me. “
“Christ, I’m a nice guy.” He chuckles. “Why did you feel the need to give away more tickets that I’ve paid good money for?”
“The two guys who live down the hall got married over Christmas. They’re working their asses off to get through med school. I know that drill so I gave them the tickets so they could at least have one night of fun.”
“I’m not going to say you’re wrong for doing a good deed, but I’d like to sit my ass in one of those seats at some point this season.”
I turn on the television and flip through the channels until I land on the game. “Besides, we can watch from the comfort of my home. What’s better than that?”
“A toast to the fact that you’re still kid free.” He holds up his bottle in the air. “Here’s to dodging bullets.”
I raise my bottle too. Jack doesn’t need to know that Chloe can’t conceive. I left that detail out when I told him that she’s not pregnant. I wouldn’t have mentioned it at all, but I made a frantic call to him last night after Jordan filled me in on his broken condom.
“Let’s hope we avoid the parent trap for years.” Jack tosses me a smile. “I know I’m not ready and there’s no way in hell you should be parenting a kid.”
I don’t argue that point. I barely have my own life in order. A baby is the last thing I need.
Chapter 22
Chloe
Gabi follows me into my office. “Do you want to talk about anything? You know I can clock out for a few minutes and put on my best friend hat if you need me to.”
“Your best friend hat?” I smile. “Is that different from your assistant hat because I was under the assumption that they were one in the same.”
She twists her mouth into an over exaggerated frown. “You know what I mean. We can push aside all the work we need to go over and talk about what happened before you got to work yesterday.”
“Nothing happened,” I lie.
I didn’t say a word to Gabi yesterday about my awkward conversation with Evan. I raced to my office after I left the café, trying to regain some of the composure I’d left behind.
I wasn’t successful.
I breezed past Gabi’s desk and slammed my own office door behind me.
She was on my heel and as quickly as I closed the door, she opened it back up with a demand that I tell her what was going on.
I couldn’t. The words wouldn’t form on my tongue so I waved her away with an excuse about a work problem.
She didn’t buy it since she’s the one I’m always confiding in when something goes wrong in the office.
“Gabi.” I take a step toward her so I can hold her hands in mine. “I love that you’re concerned about me but you don’t need to be. I’m fine. It’s nothing.”
“If it was nothing you wouldn’t have looked the way you did.” She tilts her head so she can look me directly in the eyes. “I know you. Something happened that knocked your world off its axis. You know you can tell me anything.”
I do know that. Gabi is one of the few people in my life I can say anything to and I know that she’ll never repeat it.
The professional part of that is related to the non-disclosure agreement she signed when she started working for me. The personal side of that is based on the strength of our friendship.
I give in because I can tell by the look on her face that she’s not going to let this go. “I saw Evan yesterday morning and we talked about some stuff.”
“Evan and stuff, “ she repeats back. “You need to give me more than that.”
I smile. “It was really personal. He asked me intimate questions. We’ve done intimate things so why did it freak me out when he asked me intimate questions?”
“What questions?” The level of concern in her tone rises. “Does he want to try some kinky stuff that you’re not sure of? I’ve done most everything so ask away if you need more info on any of that.”
I cringe inwardly. “No, it’s nothing like that.”
“I’m not following, Chloe. You can just tell me what the questions were. I promise you’re not going to shock me.”
I know I won’t. I doubt anything would shock her after the confession she just made.
I wait for a beat before I respond. “He was worried that the condom had broken on that first night we spent together.”
“Did it?”
I shrug. “I didn’t notice if it did. I showered when I got home and I…I just don’t know.”
“Has he been tested recently?” She moves closer. “We can go to my doctor right now for the tests. She’ll fit you in.”
“He was more worried about the possibility that I might be pregnant.”
Realization washes over her expression. Gabi knows. She was one of the people who talked me through those years and helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel. “I’m sorry, Chloe. That had to have been rough for you.”
“I told him,” I admit. “I just came right out and told him why he didn’t need to worry about me getting pregnant.”
“You told him?”
I nod. “He was scared. I wanted to reassure him so I told him that I’m infertile.”
“Did you tell him everything?” She scans my face. “Does he know what caused it?”
I shake my head briskly. “That’s inconsequential. It doesn’t matter why I can’t have children. All that matters is that it’s not possible.”
“You’re right,” she says assuredly. “That’s not any of his business.”
It’s not. I’ve been trying to convince myself of that fact since I walked out of the café.
Evan and I are casual lovers who had a short-lived scare. It doesn’t change the fact that our relationship doesn’t involve long conversations about the past.
He doesn’t need to know the brutal details of what happened to me before we met. That’s my past and it belongs to me. I have every intention of keeping it that way.
Chapter 23
Evan
I fucked up. I know it. I’ve juggled my schedule like a master the past three mornings just so I could get to the Roasting Point Café by eight sharp. I waited every one of those days for Chloe but she didn’t show.
How the hell can I blame her for that? She’s probably still in recovery mode after that conversation we had earlier in the week.
I dug up some seriously painful shit from her past all because I was desperate for the reassurance that I wasn’t going to be on the hook for child support for the next eighteen years.
I could have been more sensitive, but I wasn’t and since I can’t hop in a time machine and make me way back to that morning, I did the next best thing. I tracked down her brother.
“Rocco.” I offer my hand when he approaches. “It’s good to see you.”
He’s surprised. I can’t tell if it’s because he recognizes me or not. He wasn’t expecting me. Who expects to be approached by a virtual stranger mid-workout?
I wouldn’t have known he’d be here except for the recent post he made on one of his social media accounts. It was exactly thirty-two minutes ago and since I had a break between a
consult and surgery, I hopped on the subway and headed here.
“Evan, right?” He shakes my hand briskly. “Your choice of work-out attire is interesting.”
I laugh that off since I’m dressed in scrubs and a black sweater. “I didn’t know you were a member here too.”
I know I’m stretching the truth. I did know he was a member. I happen to be one although the last time I stepped foot in this place was months ago.
I make a mental note to cancel my membership on my way out.
“Trying to keep the heart healthy.” He rakes a hand through his hair. “Heart disease runs in the family so I’m taking a proactive approach.”
He’s a smart man.
“Hey, now that I ran into you, I have a question.” My intention is to sound nonchalant. I can’t tell whether that’s working for me or not.
“What’s that?” he asks before he takes a mouthful of water from a bottle in his hand.
I swallow, realizing that this is treading on dangerous ground. “I want to surprise Chloe with some flowers. I could use some insight into her favorite.”
He smiles. “Pink roses. She loves them.”
I like knowing that. I want to dig deeper but that will raise alarm bells. If he knew what happened between Chloe and me the last time we talked, I doubt he’d be giving me the time of day. “That’s good to know. I’ll pick up a bouquet for her today.”
“Today?” He furrows his brow. “You don’t think they’ll be dead before you get a chance to give them to her?”
I try to act like I know what the fuck he’s talking about. “Good point.”
“Unless you’re planning on sending them to her hotel in Boston. That’s a surprise she’ll appreciate.”
With that he steps back onto a treadmill and starts a slow jog.
I walk away wondering why the hell she’s in another city and whether she’s thinking about me as much as I’m thinking about her.
***
“What’s her name?”
I turn to look at the patient I’m having a consultation with. Physically there’s absolutely nothing wrong with her. Emotionally, she’s suffering from a broken heart.
Her symptoms began the day her husband died.
“Who?”
“The girl that you wish you could be talking to right now.” Judith Lancaster points at my cell phone. “You’ve stolen a peek at that twice since you walked into this exam room. Might I suggest you take the bull by the horns and call her yourself?”
I take a seat on a stool that is facing the exam table. “I was checking the time. I’m not waiting for anyone to call me.”
I’m not. I wish to fuck I was. Maybe if I had pushed Chloe for her number, I would know whether she’s even back in Manhattan yet.
It’s been days since I tracked her brother down at the gym. I sent Vanessa to the Roasting Point Café this morning with a bouquet of pink roses in her hand. Chloe didn’t show and now those roses are sitting on the desk at the nurses’ station reminding me that I know virtually nothing about a woman I think I’m falling for.
“My husband used to tell me that love begins in here.” She taps her forehead before she lowers both hands to her chest. “And it lives in here.”
I listen because I sense there’s more to tell.
“You can’t stop thinking about her.” She leans forward to rest her forearms on her knees. “That means that it’s still young.”
“It’s not like that.” I stand and pick up my tablet to make note of our uneventful appointment. “You’re fine, Judith. You can get back to your everyday activities.”
She carefully steps down from the table, adjusting her pant legs in the process. “I may be fine to you, but my heart says something different.”
“Grief can disguise itself in many forms.” I snap the cover of the tablet shut. “Give it time. Only you can set the pace that works for you.”
“The same advice applies to love.” She smiles as she reaches past me to grab her purse. “You need to give it time. Only you can set the pace that works for you, but remember that no one lives forever.”
I know that all too well. Grief is a larger part of my life than love has ever been. It may be time to change that.
Chapter 24
Chloe
“I can move all your appointments today,” Gabi rests her palm against my forehead. “You don’t feel warm. Maybe it’s not the flu.”
I shrug as I pull away from her. “My dad and I had seafood in Boston two days ago. His stomach has been uneasy too. Maybe that’s all it is.”
“That might be it.” She starts toward my office door. “I’ll go get you a warm ginger tea. That always helps when my stomach is acting up.”
I nod as I watch her leave before I turn my attention to my laptop and the calendar app that lists my schedule for today.
It’s lighter than I thought it would be. That’s because a client who was set to launch a lawsuit against their former employer dropped it when they were hired back on.
That’s not uncommon in my line of work and since I ask for an upfront retainer, I’m never working pro bono. I wish I could at times, but I have to live.
“Chloe?”
My head pops up when I hear Rocco’s voice at my office door. I greet him immediately. “Hey, you. I haven’t see you in at least a couple of weeks.”
He steps in and takes off his scarf before slipping out of his wool coat. “How was the trip with dad? That was a last minute thing, no?”
It was. I needed some space after the conversation I had with Evan about the pregnancy scare. Since I had planned on heading to Boston early next month to interview a potential client who had recently relocated there from New York, I decided to ask my dad to tag along.
He was all over the idea and planned our entire schedule including fitting in my work commitments.
We both needed it and I came back to Manhattan feeling refreshed and recharged until I woke up this morning with an upset stomach.
“We had a blast.” I smile. “You know how much fun it is to travel with him.”
“I do.” He nods as he takes a seat across from my desk. “Do you remember when I used to take him to Vegas with me when I was playing poker? I swear the man had more fun than I did.”
I like hearing that. Our father is still grieving my mom’s death. It was the second loss he suffered. His first wife died of cancer before Rocco’s seventh birthday leaving my dad with three small boys to raise on his own.
“What brings you to my office?” I close the lid of my laptop. I need to be at the courthouse in thirty minutes so I’ll have to cut my conversation with him short.
“Evan.”
My brows pop up in surprise. “Evan?”
He nods briskly. “We ran into each other at the gym two days ago.”
I bite the corner of my lip wanting to demand that he tell me about what they talked about, but knowing full well that it involves me.
Evan doesn’t seem like the type of guy who would share personal details about our conversation with another person, especially my older brother. “I haven’t seen him in awhile. How is he?”
“Fine.” His voice lowers. “He wanted to know what you favorite flowers are. He didn’t send a bouquet of pink roses to your hotel room in Boston?”
My heart thumps inside my chest. Rocco knew what hotel my dad and I were staying in because he was the one who suggested it since it was on the waterfront. Evan didn’t send any flowers though, so my brother must have kept that information to himself.
“Some men prefer to hand deliver flowers,” I offer even though the only flowers I’ve ever received from Evan were delivered by his friend, Vanessa.
“Either way, I see some pink roses in your not-too-distant future.”
I tap the face of the watch on my wrist. “I see a court date in my very near future so I need to take off. You’re welcome to stay and visit with Gabi.”
He chuckles. “That one would eat me alive. I’ll pass.”
“That’s a plan I’m on board for. I’ll take every minute I can get with my sister.”
***
I tap my toe, wishing that the barista would fill the cup with hot water and hand the ginger tea I ordered to me. It’s my third cup today. After Gabi shoved the cup into my hand as I was exiting the building with Rocco, I sipped it on my way to the courthouse. It helped almost instantly.
I picked up another on my way back to my office and I’m about to take yet another home with me. I make a mental note to stop at the deli by my apartment to see if they have a box of ginger tea bags. It would save me a fortune.
“Chloe.” I feel a hand on my shoulder. “I have no idea you stopped in here at the end of the day.”
I recognize Evan’s voice instantly. I’ve missed it even if I didn’t want to admit that to myself.
I turn to look at him. He has a light growth of beard covering his jaw but other than that, he looks exactly as he did the last time I saw him here.
“I had a break at work and thought that I’d come down here on the off chance, you’d walk past.” He gestures toward the sidewalk outside the café. “When I looked in the window, I couldn’t believe it was you.”
I skim my hand over my hair. I didn’t put a lot of effort into my appearance this morning because I was feeling under the weather. I showered quickly, pinned my hair up into a messy bun and chose a pair of black pants with a black blouse.
“How have you been?” I ask because I don’t know what else to say.
He takes a measured step closer. “Worried about you. I didn’t handle our conversation well. I should have been more sensitive. I’m sorry, Chloe.”
Chapter 25
Evan